Baggins

Dreams, Schemes & Themes

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THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS
Baggins
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The Prince,Girls only son, is getting married next Thursday under the Chuppah. All my Constant Readers know that I am only one of a handful of gentiles weaved into a web of Jewish folk that stretch across the globe. Through the years I’ve lived in sin with Girl I have become used to a lot of Jewish customs and traditions but this wedding promises to be a novel experience.

I am happy for the Prince and happy for the lovely Limor, his future wife that they are at long last getting married but I pray to the God of My Understanding that Thy Will Be Done and this happy event will become a thing of the past.

The “W” word has become worse than the “F” – word in our home during the last couple of months. Girl has got her own sense of style and she always looks lovely in whatever she wears and usually buys her clothes from the flea-market. This special day called for something out of the ordinary and for weekend after weekend I was dragged through all the clothing boutiques and the emporiums of dress designers in Jozi. At long last she found what she wanted but sadly that was only the start and the “W” word has since been “W”-ed to death. Invitations, menu’s, flowers, table layouts and many other things have been discussed endlessly taking all possible outcomes and scenarios into account

The lovely Limor, sometimes referred to by her loving future husband as “The Desert Rat” is of Moroccan Jewish descent and that adds an extra dimension to The Wedding that has now become A HAPPENING that makes “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” look like a ladies afternoon tea.

The circus has started coming to town since Monday. From Israel. From New York. From Boston and London and Paris the hordes are coming. The next couple of days will be a never-ending party of note which starts tomorrow night with a traditional shabbat dinner with close on fourty people attending. It’ll be a gathering of the tribes of Israel which should be great fun.


But that is only the entrée to the main event. Between Shabbat, the Brokhe and The Wedding there will be a bachelorette and a bachelor’s party, a brides table and a grooms table and to top the lot there is a Hennah Party on Tuesday night. Everyone gets dressed up in Josephs Technicolour Dream coats. The Prince wears a crown and the Desert Rat gets carried around with a lot of dancing and other stuff taking place.

Girl is freaking as she is not a party animal, is camera shy and cannot do the horah for love or money. I am keeping a low profile through all of this but it is going to be quite something to get through the next week with all my senses intact.

Labelle, Girl’s daughter, is staying with us for a couple of months. She is Vegan. I overheard a conversation between Limor and Labelle the other night about the bachelorette. This will happen at some Greek Restaurant on Sunday night I think ….but Houston, we have a problem.

There will be at least one Vegan, a couple of vegetarians, as well as a sprinkling of orthodox Jewish girls that obviously only eats kosher so what in the name off all that is holy will Stavros serve?


Oi Vey,


Fae skata me fraoules

The poor soul.


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